It was times
with him.  
Let's call him Ashton.

I'm batting
my eyelashes at
him.  
You know.
HIM.
Ashton.  
He's blushing
and wearing
this big intimate grin.

Looking deep into
his thoughtful brown
eyes.
Memories are ressurected
of track meets
bus rides side by side
Long walks
around the school campus.
Winter days
and spring time nights.
Those were the days
when anything would brighten
our little corner of
this lovely game.

And I'm just standing here
looking at him;
Ashton;
with this stupid smile
on my freckled face.
I can't take it any longer
His hand
in mine.
Ash And Me.

Something must be
very wrong with me.
I have this urge.
To kiss him
To kiss away his worries
I want to take away
all thoughts
and kiss him till
He can't rememember
his own mother's name.

I part my eyes from
His.
I look down.
I study my shoes.
But I look up
again.

When our eyes connected
this miracle smile
lit up his face.
And then I'm suddenly aware
of the sparks in his eyes
and the sun in his hair.
And the brief moment
when his lips touch mine.

It's like
I can feel them with my whole self.
Ashton's kisses seem
like something much better
then kissing.

I part my eyes again.
And blow into pieces.
And fall apart.
Because.
I know I cannot have Ashton.
Because it would hurt.
Not only me
but
one of my best friends.